Happy and Thankful

she knows his influence
has altered the course of her life
and left it entirely the same
she is happy and thankful

she knows she wants to see him
wants his accent in her ears
his body in her bed
she is happy and thankful

she knows she may never see him again
because life is unpredictable
and everything is temporary
she is happy and thankful

she knows she misses her children
still feels inadequate and bereft
over the custody battle she lost
she is happy and thankful

she knows the next time she sees them
she will hug them tight and buy them smoothies
then she will drop them off to their father
who may be neutral, or cruel, or chatty, or sneer at her
she is happy and thankful

she knows she may cry on the way home
or may scream and think about driving off the highway
before returning to her breath
and arriving home safe and calm
unless someone else's driving kills her anyway
she is happy and thankful

she knows she is the Buddha
and she doesn't understand that at all
she is happy and thankful